Summer is here and I am super stoked! Now, I'm a big fan of fall and winter, but in recent years, Summer has become an unlikely hero. Also, if you're like me, nothing sucks more than walking outside and immediately becoming drenched with sweat. I mean, one step in this hot weather, I turn into Swamp Thing and I am absolutely useless to the rest of society. Although, nothing beats a hot summer day than a delicious orange soda! And summer barbecues and cookouts, yard sailing, mini-golf, hitting the beach, and fun road trips, how can I not enjoy the summer?
Well...I'll get to those eventually, but until then, I have the day off and want lay on the couch and watch more VHS. I just don't see a better way of kicking off my summer than watching crap no one else in their right mind would actually consider spending the day watching.
Oh, I should've mentioned, very few of them if any actually have anything to do with Summer. I mean...that's kind of my fault for false advertising. I'll buy you a Pepsi when I see you. We cool?
ROYAL RUMBLE 1995:
In 1995, pro wrestling was absolutely at the bottom of the entertainment barrel. Nobody under the age of 12 really cared about wrestling. I can tell you of 3 kids in my school who truly liked wrestling and at that point, even they were questioning they're loyalty. It was just so silly and over the top cartoony that I got tough to watch at times. Sure enough, the 1995 Royal Rumble is a great exhibition of that nonsense. For those who don't follow a sport where grown men cosplay as Valiant Comics characters and fall around on the floor, The Royal Rumble is a gigantic match featuring 30 WWE wrestlers beating the hell out of each other in one ring. On this night, every bad gimmick at the time came racing into the ring to be beaten up. Mantaur (A moose or something), Aldo Montoya (Dude who wears a jockstrap on his head), The Smoking Gunns (two smilin' cowboys, yeehaw!), Men on A Mission (goofy rappers in giant purple outfits) Duke The Dumpster Droese (a garbageman) and Henry Godwinn (pig farmer) just to name a few.
It's a pretty bad Royal Rumble match and it's like watching a bunch of Nicktoon characters beat each other up. But this was also the beginning of Shawn Michaels big main event push which lead him to become one of the greatest wrestlers of all time. And, hey, Pam Anderson shows up too, so that's a nice payoff!
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 6 JASON LIVES:
It's been recorded through the annals of history that I used to be the biggest Jason hater on the planet. It's true. I always found the Friday the 13th series to be absolutely boring. But in the past few years, I've gained a whole new respect for it.
While I always hated Jason as a character, Friday The 13th part 5 and 6 were always two I could get into. Part 5, while not the most popular of the series amongst it's most loyal fans, was always my favorite due it to being so different. Part 6 was always a fave too, mainly because I loved the way Jason looked in the movie and the way he was resurrected in the beginning. But while watching Jason Lives earlier this year, I fully came to the conclusion that this is my favorite Friday the 13th film afterall. The kills, the lines, the characters, the black humor and the Universal Monsters-esque feel. It's a super solid flick and just shows everything great about 1980's horror. Not just a great entry for a lazy afternoon but also a great pick for a Halloween marathon!
SNORKS:
I know what you're thinking: "Chad, Snorks suck, Smurfs are better, fam". Well, little care do I. While both are extremely similar, I've always been a Snorks guy. Sure, Smurfs had their charm, but the Snorks were more fun. Plus, they were underwater! I always loved underwater cartoons and tv shows, so that certainly gave them the edge by default. Snorks were a fun show and were popular enough to get their own Roy Rogers kids meal promotion, of which I had several pvc figures from.
Oh, yeah, and unlike Smurfs, they had more than one female...
This tape serves as an early "Best Of", containing 8 of the favorite episodes of Snorks fans. Hannah Barbera would release a few others like Top Cat, The Flintstones, The Smurfs and more. Now, obviously, Snorks have been released on DVD but this is a nice tape to have when I need a quick zap back to my childhood!
TOY SOLDIERS:
Oh yeah! I saw Toy Soldiers as a kid when my brother rented it one rainy Saturday afternoon and I think I was a little too young to watch it, but what's done is done. I had always been on the hunt for this as I've wanted to revisit it since 1992 and thankfully I found it at an old video store. I had always been worried about whether or not it held up and was just a one time view, but I gotta say it holds up just fine. It's kind of a mixture of GI Joe and Red Dawn. A bunch of misfits are in charge of saving their school from an invading Colombian terrorist. A great cast including Louis Gossett Jr., Sean Astin, Wil Wheaton, Keith Coogan and Andrew Divoff, great writing, and great action.
I am very happy I was finally able to get my hands on this and watch this and I implore you to search it out, because it's just that darn good. It's definitely another great movie that deserves a bluray release! Hopefully someday!
LIFEFORCE:
You thought I'd do another list without a Cannon movie? Come on...
Take about 47 ideas. Write them down. Put them in any haphazard order possible. Now turn that into a ballistic movie that just takes scifi and horror onto another level. Now, as many times as I've seen this movie, I still can't really figure out the best way to describe it. First thing you need to know is that it's a Dan O'Bannon story, so ya know it's going to have great scifi and horror elements. That's a given. Then let's add Tobe Hooper as the director, ya know it's gonna be a fantastic visually. Now, let's throw in a gorgeous brunette who spends some time in the film in the nude. Space vampires, astronauts, weird bat-creatures and a whole amount of insane madness make this movie quite the memorable viewing experience.
Sold? I hope so. This was one of the few Cannon Films that people can point to and say "when they did something right, they did it
soooooo right....". And they'd be...well...right!
EDDIE SPUHGHETTI'S HALLOWEEN COMPILATION (2014):
A treasure of a tape indeed! So there is a great story behind this. Back in 2014, my dear friend Eddie of
HereLies.com sent me this magnificent tape shortly before my back surgery and it got me through the pain of pinched nerves and excruciating pain that left me unable to walk. This tape contains 6 hours of retro movies, cartoons, tv shows, commercials and other fun Halloween goodies from the 80s and early 90s. If I'm ever in the Halloween mood and my pumpkin spice candle ain't doing it for me, I can throw this in...
Eddie has also done 2 Christmas compilation tapes and another Halloween tape, but I'm going out on a limb and saying it's my favorite. Rumor has it, he's even revisiting this with expanded content! That will definitely a must own tape! Keep your eyes on the Here Lies Youtube channel (posted above) for more updates and way to order one!
THE WEIRDO:
Now THIS is why I have spent so much of my life hunting for VHS!
A few weeks ago, I visited family in MD and spent a good portion of my Saturday morning digging through someones VHS stand at the local flea market. I walked away with a lot of great treasures but none more greater than this! And there it was, just collecting dust and sandwiched between a copy of Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade and Baby Boom.
Put out by Rae Don, a video distributor known for low budget garbage like Troma's Chillers (one of my all time favorite anthologies), this seems to be a big mixture of Psycho, Bullies and maybe a little Halloween...? A psychotic youngster, Donnie, has trouble fitting in until he falls in love with the town cutie (played by future voice actress Jessica Straus in one of her earliest roles) but still finds himself at the mercy of local bullies and even his own family.
Ok, I kinda wanna review this in full later on so I don't wanna go too much into detail, but I gotta tell you, there is a LOT of slapping in this movie. Donnie slaps his mom, girlfriend, grandma, I think other peoples girlfriends too. A lot. I mean it's not a one time deal where you're like "oh...crap, dude, that's not nice". No, it's constant. Like a Western from the 1940s amount of slapping. I swear, I saw more slapping in this movie than while playing that old Slap Happy game.
Tapes like The Weirdo are the kind of tapes I have always gravitated to VHS as a love and a hobby and is right up my alley. Something I've never heard of, something that will most likely never be released on dvd or bluray (Although, Deathrow Gameshow proved me wrong. Thanks Vinegar Syndrome!) and a movie so cheesy that I can pop it in no matter what and still get a laugh. Believe me, this movie definitely provides laughs in spades. Maybe not on purpose but it'll still get you giggling like a moron. If you ever find this out in the wild, pick it up, and brace yourself for some slap happy action!
Not a bad group of tapes to waste the day away with, huh? I just wish I had a Slurpee now, but I'm too comfy under my blanket. Eh. Maybe next time...
-Chad
